Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
