Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
