I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
