when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
