Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
