well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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