i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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