Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
