what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
