we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
