i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
