tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
