Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I want to have your abortion
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
