Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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