I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
