he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
