WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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