she looked like the before picture.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
