I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize