mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
