it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
