Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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