Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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