Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Let's paint friendship bongs
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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