I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
