I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
