Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Found your dick twin last night
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize