Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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