here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
