you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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