If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
