He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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