Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
