I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
