so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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