Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
