I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
