I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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