Acid is not a monday night drug
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
