sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize