Ambien. No doubt about it.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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