My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize