We won't sleep together?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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