So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
