Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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