im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
why is half of my head shaved?
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