okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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