No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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