Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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