I'm drive I can fine osifer
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
