90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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