All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
