you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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