adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
