'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
