How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
