bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
