you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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