I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
