I hate all girls vehemently.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I currently don't understand fingers.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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