apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
What a dumb baby whore.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
