Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
