Dude my mom stole all your condoms
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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