well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
