I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
