Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
