BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
