so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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